Unholy

I'm sincerely not going to tell you what love is generally considered to be. I'm also not going to tell you what it's preached to be. Kind. Patient. Selfless. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not against selfless love, patient love, or kind love. But I've come to understand and see love in a different light. Love can be extremely painful. Love requires compromise, and sometimes, compromising is harder than making a sacrifice. You know it's easier to sacrifice something for someone than it is to compromise with them, right? Sacrifice and compromise may be related, but they're not the same thing. Let's not get into that. Back to what I was saying… I know there's platonic love, agape love, and all that. But how come I could tell how hot a boy was when I was a teenager? How come I knew when I was attracted to someone? How come I could recognize that I was becoming emotionally attached to someone? I bet if my Sunday school teacher heard some of these things, they'd call a meeting just to discuss my supposedly "unholy" act of being in love. 😭😭😭 To be honest, one thing some parents and guardians get wrong is condemning young people verbally or physically when they discover that they're emotionally involved with someone of the opposite sex. I still don't understand it. Well, I'm sorry I'm not platonically attached to him! God forbid a girl is just being human! 😭 Lol. The good girls and boys are often considered to be the ones who don't talk to the opposite sex. The ones who sit miles away from someone of the opposite sex. Let's not even talk about those who would rather sit on the other side of a room just because a young man or woman is sitting nearby. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 😭😭😭 Now, that reminds me of how I behaved when I was in primary school! But seriously, why was something as simple as having a crush sometimes treated like a terrible offence? Why couldn't we just talk about it? Now, before anybody comes for me, let's talk about something else. LOVE IS SEX! SEX IS LOVE! Okay, okay! Before you come for me, hear me out. 😭 Actually, let me clarify something: love and sex aren't the same thing. You can love someone without having sex with them, and people can have sex without being in love. But here's what I want us to talk about: why do we sometimes act as though acknowledging romantic feelings is automatically a step towards doing something wrong? Why can't we talk about attraction, relationships, and the emotions that come with them without making young people feel ashamed of being human? From a Christian perspective, sexual intimacy is commonly taught within the context of marriage. But that doesn't mean young people should be denied the opportunity to learn about love, attraction, relationships, and sexual responsibility. Education matters, too. Ughhh! Why can't I tell my mum, "I love him!"? Instead, I say, "I like him… he's cool." SINCERELY!!! Because the next thing I'm going to hear is, "What do you know about love?" Yes, what do I know? But we learn every day, right? If you know what that means. 😭 And this is where the fear of expressing romantic feelings can begin, even before anyone breaks your heart. When you're younger, you might be more afraid of disappointing your parents than you are of losing the person you like. So you love in secret. Or you pretend you don't feel anything at all. Or you learn to hide your emotions because expressing them feels like inviting trouble. Why can't our parents educate us instead of condemning us? Why can't they explain that developing romantic feelings is a normal part of growing up, while also teaching us how to handle those feelings responsibly? Why can't they help us understand that attraction isn't something to be ashamed of, but something we need to learn how to navigate? Instead, they're ready to scream, "ABSTAIN!" UGHHHH! 😭 And before anybody misunderstands me, I'm not saying abstinence is bad. I'm not saying teenagers should be encouraged to engage in sexual activity. I'm saying that education is better than condemnation. Young people need guidance, boundaries, and honest conversations. They need to understand their emotions, consent, sexual health, the consequences of their decisions, and the importance of protecting themselves. Telling someone what not to do without helping them understand why, or what to do when they're confused, isn't always enough. And it's not just our parents, either. There are other factors involved, but I'll happily skip those for now. 😂 Seriously, I believe that when parents and guardians create safe spaces for conversations about love, relationships, and sex, young people have more opportunities to ask questions and receive reliable information. Now, let's talk about teenage pregnancy. I'm not saying that making young love seem unholy is the sole cause of teenage pregnancy. That would be an oversimplification. Teenage pregnancy can happen for many reasons, including limited access to comprehensive sex education and contraception, sexual coercion, poverty, and barriers to healthcare. However, I do believe that when young people are afraid to discuss relationships and sexual health with trusted adults, they may turn to friends, the internet, or people who don't necessarily have their best interests at heart. Sometimes, they receive inaccurate information. Sometimes, they encounter people who manipulate or deceive them. And sometimes, they make decisions without fully understanding the consequences. Curiosity doesn't disappear simply because a subject is forbidden. Sometimes, it grows. That's why sex education matters. Parents and guardians should talk to their children about love, too. Having romantic feelings at 15 or older doesn't automatically make someone a bad person. It doesn't mean they're immoral, and it doesn't mean they've done something wrong simply by experiencing those feelings. Young people need guidance, not humiliation. They need to learn how to make responsible decisions, not be made to feel ashamed for asking questions. Now, there's ANOTHER ANNOYING IMPRESSION I WANT TO PAINFULLY CORRECT. The idea some people have that anyone who writes or talks about romance isn't focused on other things. WHA— WHA— WHAT NOW?! We're not focused on other things?! I wish y'all could see the irritation written all over my face right now. 😭 Just say something else because that ain't no point! ROMANCE IS NOT A VIRUS, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! 😭😭😭 Why do people act as though writing about love means you have nothing else going on in your life? A person can write about romance and still be ambitious. A person can love love stories and still take their education seriously. A person can be interested in heartbreak, healing, and emotional intimacy while also having dreams, goals, responsibilities, and other things they're passionate about. One interest doesn't cancel out the rest of a person's personality. And yes, young love isn't automatically a sin simply because it's young. People have different religious beliefs about relationships, dating, and appropriate boundaries. But having romantic feelings is not the same as acting on every feeling you experience. What matters is how people handle their feelings, the choices they make, the boundaries they respect, and the guidance they receive. I think that if we stopped treating every conversation about love as something shameful and started approaching these conversations with more understanding, we'd be able to see things more clearly. AND YES, I DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT LOVE. But I know that we learn about love every day, and different people have different ways of giving and receiving love. No one knows it all when it comes to love. I'm still learning, too. And I believe this generation can do better. We, the Gen Z generation, are learning, unlearning, and still have a lot to learn. Perhaps we can do better by creating spaces where young people can ask questions without fear, talk about their feelings without shame, and learn about relationships without being made to feel like terrible human beings. Because being young doesn't mean being incapable of feeling deeply. And being in love doesn't mean you've stopped being a human being with other dreams, goals, and responsibilities. I'd love to hear about your experiences with young love in the comments section. 🥹❤️ Were you allowed to talk about your crushes when you were younger, or was it something you had to hide? Thank you for reading, and don't forget to follow too! ❤️ Romance, healing, heartbreak, love, or growth—which one would you like me to talk about next? 🌚✨