A First Child or... A Child First

To whom much is given, much is expected'. But what exactly is this 'much' that was given to me Abi na this first daughter title? And if na this first daughter title abeg collect am. I don't know what makes being your first female child a privilege I should carry An advantage and something I should be accountable for. Whether e come out first or e come out third all of them no be children? Who said the extra years meant I was always the one to be blamed? Always the one to step back? Always the one to sacrifice and hold it all together? Did coming first make me any less a child? A child with emotional needs too A child who also wants to be held To be indulged too? Abi na them be child and na me be pikin? Tell me... You make it sound like an advantage like I somehow uncovered a cheat code Now I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life paying to make it all seem fair. But you never asked me to choose You never do. And if I did, trust me I would have never chosen to be first. I would have chosen to be the child who feels she's entitled to being sacrificed for I would like to be the child who never worries about buckling under the weight of responsibilities because she has none. I would be the child who needs to be considered in every decision... Never to consider another. You confuse age with ability Because I came two years earlier than Nkechi doesn't mean I should always be the well behaved one. I thought it was the responsibility of every child to behave well So why is Nkechi excused and somehow 'I'm supposed to know better'? Because I came two years earlier, I'm expected to be an example for something I also need an example for? So permit me to ask again, what exactly is this 'much' that was given to me for you to expect so much from me? The extra years or the title of first child? And I hope the next time you ask me to back down... You ask me to let it go... You ask me to hold it in because I'm older You remember that before I was an older sister, I was a child first.