The things I call okay

I tend to eat a lot in this state I can't describe with words. Some call it depression but it can't be. Why? My life seems fine and less chaotic. I tend to laugh and cry simultaneously, it is obviously tears of joy with a mixture of sadness. No, I'm not sad, just stressed and lonely. I tend to need a therapist, but my ego is terror against me. What will people say? I don't want to know because I am very much okay. Maybe One day, I will say it out loud that I'm hurt and need saving. I hope it won't be too late then.