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They told me "all would be fine", They told me "this is part of your journey" They told me "you would look back and smile" But tell me why I'm looking back in pain Crying, regretting following their advice Tell me why I allow you to have a say in my life "cos you gave birth to me" When knowing fully well that your decisions has caused more harm than good to me "Go here", I went, "Go left", I followed "Go down" I obeyed, I became a toy controlled without remote. You say "I want you to become somebody in life" Then you push me to a school without asking if I wanted to go there, 4 years later, nothing good to show for it I hope you are happy now Another person might read this poem and say, "You should be grateful", "If I were in your shoes, I would have" If I slap your face, your front teeth would remove, better mind your business. It's easy to preach when you are not the one sallowing in the regret of what could have been, Easy to call suicide cowardice behavior When you aren't the one frustrated with life Life is my abusive husband, while life might be your darling wife, Just as your double 6 is my double 9 And yet, you expect me to see life through your lens To call it beautiful when all I've even known is how to wither quietly To keep smiling even when nothing is funny? Isn't that madness? Or how do you define a mad man? Is it the man who talks to himself because nobody would listen to him? Is it the man who smiles in public While the screams in his head is at the all time high? Is it the man who everybody expects to be strong? What of those illiterates that says "you are an artist brace up"? Isn't it madness when you lose yourself and pretend you never did? "Life's good like LG", that's what some hypocrites would say But beauty looks different when you are standing in the middle of shankles You fake smile, so people don't question you, I might as well fake that this piece isn't a true life story, to avoid the pity card But for how long? How long can a man keep postponing his happiness before happiness becomes another debt he can't pay? Don't you dare tell me "everything happens for a reason" Cos tell me why everybody has it easy, While my difficulty level is at extreme hard Don't tell me to be patient, I've been patient pass Goodluck wife "Patient dog eats the fattest bone" My own patient dog is lean "Be patient" But tell me, Is patience a genie that turns all your suffering to rejoicing? Would patience restore all the years I've lost? I've been moving in circles all my life, Do I even have a life again? If you read this piece, it might be too late to save a life, Not glorifying suicide I'm dropping World War X but there's a war inside me, Whether to be alive before it drops or not Whatever it is, I would let you know I now understand Fireboy's verse on airplane mode "Too many things whey dey bother man, stress from friends and families and brother man, Man living like an animal, When a problem goes life comes with another one" Or how else can I explain that what was bothering me in August isn't the same thing worrying me in October Too many overthinking, I wonder when I would be free from it Nevertheless, I pledge to be like Burna Boy, To stand twice as tall as his album And to be the real African Giant in my household Just hoping everything turns out fine, Just hoping one day I can tell someone what I'm going through and I don't hear "go and pray", "Everything would be alright" I just hope one day, all my heart desires becomes a testimony while I'm still alive