Shut up!

​"Shut up!" ​That’s what they say we should do when our elders are talking. It makes sense to a point, but "shutting up" should never be the reason anyone trampling on your integrity gets a free pass. ​In this 21st century, I see elders who assume you have no valuable ideas simply because they’ve "seen it all"—as if your perspective means nothing compared to theirs. I see elders who live recklessly, yet feel entitled to insult your entire lineage just because they have children your age. ​It is completely fine to be an elder. But what I will never accept is being an elder who lacks self-control, morals, and wisdom. ​To me, those three qualities are what being an elder actually entails. And because they are so often absent, a dangerous cycle continues: we raise the young ones the exact same way, and they grow up lacking those very values while demanding the same blind respect. ​It has become a deep-seated pattern, especially in this part of Africa where humility is tied directly to age. Every elder expects to be respected—but truth be told, not all elders deserve the level of respect they demand. ​Respect is reciprocal: you want respect, you earn it with respect. ​That doesn't give anyone the right to be rude or aggressive toward an elder. But it does mean learning to communicate your stance and protect your boundaries—using the very respect that they might be lacking. ​Respect should be given freely, not taken by force.