𝑄𝑈𝐸𝑆𝑇𝐼𝑂𝑁𝑆 𝐼 𝐴𝑆𝐾 𝑀𝑌𝑆𝐸LF

Most people call it 2 a.m. thoughts. But what happens when the thoughts stop coming during their visiting hours and decide to make themselves a permanent residence in your head? What happens when your own mind becomes the messenger, carrying the same words over and over again? “You failed.” “You’re falling.” “You’ve lost.” “You’re losing.” I KNOW!!! I’M WELL AWARE!! Can’t you be any nicer? I’m seeing it for myself, am I not? I can feel the regret, can’t I? I can see the hurt on their faces. Don’t you think I notice? I’m trying to right my wrongs, aren’t I? God knows I doubt I’m doing it right. I can’t see anyone sitting me down and guiding me through the process, so I know I’m making a lot of mistakes that will eventually need correcting. So don’t blame me for being damn defensive. It’s bad enough as it is without feeling like I’m walking around with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I AM CLEARLY GIVING MY ALL!!! And I don’t know any other way. So pardon me for trying to help you with what I’ve learnt from my own experience, but could you cut me some slack? And let me ask.. Where were you all this while? Why do you only show up now, when I’m slowly piecing myself back together? Why now? Why me? Why ME? But, as always, there is never an answer. Only silence. And the process continues. Twenty-four hours a day. Seven days a week. Four weeks a month. Every month. Every year. And somewhere between trying to fix what I broke, understand what I cannot change, and become someone I can be proud of... the questions remain. Dear God…… 𝓦𝓸𝓻𝓭𝓼 𝓫𝔂 𝓢𝓱𝓪𝔂