50 Shades of Heartbreak

Ife! That's the word. I learned it from Darasimi, the girl I shared a college room with in my first year. She called the man she loved by the word, and other times she called me _ife_ too. So I asked her what it meant and she said it meant love. Since then I found a way to insert Ife into everything I wrote, because as Becky would say, "you too love love." Sadly, I found myself in a generation that has asked me to lose myself and the word I'd held so dear. I met Mwanti in my second year. Long after Darasimi had told me what the word meant. I never thought love could grow so gently. I always thought it came upon you like a rush of desire and then — you're in love. As a child, my family moved a lot. My father had pledged loyalty to the nation that kept taking from us. It took our family time, almost left us poor, took the people we met just as soon as I met them. From Kogi to Zaria to Kano. While Daddy's work made us break the beautiful bonds we built, it gave us room to build more. But what joy is there in building a bond you'll eventually be forced to break? When we moved to Jos, Mama decided we weren't moving again. Perhaps this is home. So we stayed, even when Daddy was called back to Zaria. I was lying in my hostel bed in Gombe, scrolling through IG, when the notification popped. A simple 'hi' from a guy named Evans. Then again, "do you remember me?" I quickly ran through his page, but it looked like a desert with a little oasis. I spent minutes staring at the passport photo of a man I could barely remember. "Are you there?" Another message popped. "O hi! Sorry I was a little busy." "I'm sorry I don't quite remember you. Can you remind me? Please? If you don't mind." The reply came just as soon as I'd sent my message. "It's fine. I doubted you'd remember me given that you were young back then." "I am Afi's brother." I remember Afi. I remember the little girl we featured in to our play on few occasions because she was not too small but rarely out of their home. I remember she’d played the role of my child in one of our family drama. Ofcourse! I remember Afi had a brother. One who was barely around, and when he was, just like Afi he rarely left their home. He barely talked and on the few occasions I had met him he could only manage to smile. I remembered him walking us out of their house once. What I didn't know was that his name was also Evans. It was Mwanti we all knew. "Mwanti!?" It was then I noticed the name, Evans Mwanti... "Yes. Him!" he responded. "How are you now?" "I... I'm fine. Wow. Mwanti. It's been years. I thought you people moved from Jos?" "No. Everybody is still in Jos. It's just me that is not in Jos. I'm in Abuja now. For work." "Abuja? Big man things now abi? Sha you’ve always been. You didn’t really want to play with us” He sent a laughing emoji. "I was shy. Very shy. I still am small, but not that shy again." "You? Shy? “ "Yeah. And I was only home during the holidays” "But I remember you. You were small. Very skinny. But you were the one shouting 'we want to play family drama' every evening. And when they ask you to talk, you will just be quiet and be smiling." He actually remembered me. "So you remember me? After all these years?" "Of course. How can I forget the girl that hid behind the same blue tank every time they played hide and seek? I used to see you from the window." "Wait, you used to watch us play?" "Yes na. I was Afi’s baby sitter, So I was forced to watch all your drama." "So you were our security guard without salary?" "Exactly. And you never paid me." "Sorry sir. How much is your salary now? Let me pay with interest." "Interest is expensive o. One shawarma and one long gist. Where are you now?” "I'm in Gombe o. For school. How will I pay you?" "You are in Gombe? For school? So we are both on exile." "Exile is the word. Jos is home but we are not there." "Exactly. So when do we both go home? Then you can pay me." I looked at the time. 9:47pm. My hostel room was scattered. My test was tomorrow. "Maybe Christmas? My Mama said everybody must come home for Christmas." "Christmas is far na. Can't you come home before then?" "Mr Security Guard, are you trying to collect your salary quickly?" "Maybe. Maybe I'm trying to see if the small, skinny girl still hides behind blue tanks."